Old people are funny

Watch as this old bag tries to get a drink from some machine when it GOES OFF on her craggly ass...



Bahahahahahah!

Old fart makes 209 three pointers in a row

Seriously.

Billed as "the world's greatest free throw shooter," 60-year-old Fred Newman drained 209 three-balls in a row to enter the Guinness record book. This is an edited version of tape he sent to Guiness to become the world record holder. The actual tape has no cuts and is 45 minutes long and includes seven bathroom breaks*.

Newman...



*I may have made up that last part.

H/T: CO-ED Magazine and Don Chavez

Interlude: Sad

SKIING: Colorado freeskier dies after 100-foot fall to rocks
CBaseB: Georgia Tech pitcher found dead, cause unknown
NHL: Flyers' Thoresen may lose testicle after groin shot
NFL: Pacman will file for NFL reinstatement on Tuesday
NFL: WR Jurevicius sixth Browns player to contract staph
NFL: Bryant Gumbel leaves NFL Network
NFL: Dolphins fullback charged with battery
CFB: Report: UCF player who died struggled in workout
CFB: Murray State QB charged with robbery
NBA: Judge sides with Jordan in lawsuit
NBA: Spurs' Stoudamire has marijuana case dismissed
MLB: Doug Davis' cancer surgery labeled a success
MLB: Denny McLain arrested for missing court date
MLB: White Sox's Guillen fined for umpire comments
GOLF: Legally blind golfer, 85, gets ace

UPDATE: Thoresen is ok. Phew...

60-year-old Billy Crystal bats leadoff for the Yankees

Let's just say that he won't be batting leadoff again (or anywhere else in the lineup) any time soon. (And okay, he's 59, but he'll be 60 on Friday.)



On second thought, he might be an improvement over Juan Uribe at second base for my White Sox.

Big ups to the ever-vigilant Awful Announcing.

Patricia Heaton is a plastic goddess

After seeing these pics I am ashamed to say that I was in lust with Patricia Heaton when she was in her prime on Everybody Love Raymond. Patricia, who openly talks about how she drops serious coin on plastic surgery, just ain't got it anymore (if she ever did). She has admitted to having a tummy tuck and breast lift and recently turned 50, but if you ask me the days of wearing a bikini should be far behind her. If for no other reason than people wouldn't have to look at her stomach, which as near as I can tell from these pictures no longer sports a navel. Ewww...



Why do I think this is Tara Reid in 18 years? And despite all the evidence presented to you here today, I still have to ask... Wouldja?



Thanks to my man Fat Willard for the tip... I think.

Soooo, Madonna... wouljda?

Madonna is 49-years-old. Wow. WTF happened to all the time? Anyhoo, she is still out traipsing around in her skivvies pretending to be young in order to sell albums (such as the one she has dropping in late April). Witness...



Recently Madge sat down with Interview's Ingrid Sischy to talk Africa, albums, and freedom. Blah, blah, blah... If you want to read that shiznit, just click here. I am here to discuss more important things, like at 49, married, with three kids (and a Titanic-size load of cash), wouldja?

Remember when she used to look like this, back in the day? There might still be some remnants of that left, you know?

Old people amuse me

This video starts out slow, but the longer I watched it, the more amused I became. It's of a grandma feeding some ducks. Then she slips in duck shit. And again, and again. You get the picture. Man, I don't want to get old.



H/T: Horny Oyster