Noooooooooooooo! Kelly Brook is back with King Douche

Billy Zane is the anti-christ. That is THE ONLY explanation I have as to why (A) Kelly Brook ever dated him in the first place, and (B) she is BACK WITH HIM after dumping his no-talent, smug ass a few weeks ago.

Kelly Brook's romance with Billy Zane is back ON — after she told a pal: "He’s the one."

[...fork to the eye...]

...they spent the night together at a posh West London hotel after Billy persuaded her to give their four-year love another chance.

At least they say that she didn't have her big ole engagement ring on.

Sigh... Maybe these naked pics of Kelly will make me feel better...




The Sun

Jennifer Aniston is still in a bikini

And this time she is really bringing it with the pokies. I don't know who decided it was a good idea for Jennifer Aniston to be shooting a movie in Miami, but he deserves some sort of official commendation for giving us all of these photos of Jen in a bikini.



Even the sight of John Mayer in a Yankees hat can't take away from the pleasure I get from seeing Jen in her pink bikini. Now if he impregnated her, then I'd have to beat some ass... or something.

Elisha Cuthbert owns a lot of bikinis

Good thing that Dion Phaneuf's Calgary Flames lost in the playoffs or we wouldn't have all these friggin' Elisha Cuthbert bikini photos.



Are you getting tired of me posting photos of Elisha on the beach? BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry... bad joke.

Elisha Cuthbert and hockey boy are still playing at the beach

The comeback campaign being put on by Elisha Cuthbert is nothing short of spectacular these days. Who knew that all she needed was some hockey dick to get her back on the track to hotness?



However, some Canadian hockey fans aren't quite as thrilled about Dion Phaneuf's beach vacation with Elisha as we are.

BONUS: If you look REALLY, REALLY hard at the last picture below, you can see nip.

Elisha Cuthbert really, really likes hockey players

Noted NHL fan and sometime blogger Elisha Cuthbert has apparently been able to move on from her past relationship with the Rangers' Sean Avery. Moved on to a completely different hockey player, that is. She is seen here walking with Dion Phaneuf from the Calgary Flames, which in my book automatically means he is having sex with her.



I guess she's also moved on from making out with Paris Hilton too, huh? Now if you pervs look really close at some of the pictures below, you can see that the sun enables us you to see her bra.

Jessica Simpson calls Tony Romo "irreplaceable"

We'll see how "irreplaceable" T-Romo is if he gets off to a slow start in September. As for how "irreplaceable" Jessica thinks Romo is, well, let's just say this, "RUN, TONY, RUN! RUN NOW! FAR, FAR, AWAY!"

Us Weekly reports in its latest issue that Jessica Simpson is calling Tony Romo her "future husband."

Uh oh.

She says she even wrote him a song, "Back in My Old Boots."

Oh shit. Dude, she's writing songs for you. While in your lovey-dovey haze, that might seem to be a good thing, I assure it's not.

She dismisses critics who claimed she jinxed his career by showing up at one of his football games that he lost last year.

"Everybody takes everything out on me! But that was ludicrous," she says. "I don't understand why they think that I would be a distraction to Tony. Do they really think he can see way far up in that box? No."

Oh so many ways to go here, but I'll restrain myself. At least we know that ole Tony isn't one to dick around...

He tried to kiss her on their first date. "I was taken aback....

"The fact that this guy, on our first date, in the first 10 minutes of dinner, wanted to lean over the table and say, 'This is my girl, and I want to kiss her' -- our first kiss in front of everybody -- was awesome," she says.

You're my boy, Blue. Now then, who's number two on the Cowboys' depth chart at QB?

Us Magazine

YES! Kelly Brook and Billy Zane split up!

Thank you, Lord. Billy Zane is such an asshat. The fact that he somehow managed to pull Kelly Brook burned my ass to no end. But now, it's OVAH, baby!

"We can confirm that Kelly and Billy have split," Brook's manager, John Fowler, tells Usmagazine.com.

Weeeee!!!

Let's celebrate with some Kelly Brook pics just to show Billy what he is losing. Eat it, Zane, you douche!



This is Kelly at the British Academy Television Awards and she is NOT wearing her engagement ring. Yay, again!

Reggie Bush, still with skank, vacationed in Puerto Vallarta

Frankly, I am not sure why I am posting these pictures. Call it a slow news day I guess. Anyhoo, NFL dud Reggie Bush is seen here holding hands with his girlfriend Kim K Superstar as the lovely couple return from vacation. Why he is still dating her is beyond me. He is the face of Subway, dammit, so he could surely pull better trim than this. Eh, I guess the sex or something is pretty good when it comes to Kardashian.



Looks like Reggie is a Red Sox fan... and, uh, also a Washington Senators fan? Maybe he is just a fan of red-tinted baseball caps. Who knows and who cares... I'm tired and rambling now. I think I am getting the flu too. Fuck.

So who's the bigger NFL player-dating a celebrity-douche right now, Reggie or Tony Romo? Because we know it surely isn't Tom Brady.

Jessica Simpson is cold in Esquire; likes to strip

Apparently wherever it is that Esquire sends its photographers to take pictures of hot babes has a real problem with the heating system. First, Kate Beckinsale was all chilled in her photo shoot and now Jessica Simpson looks a little nippy.



Looks like they might also have a little water problem too.

I bet this is kind of what it looks like when Jessica does her strip tease for Tony Romo on her Web cam. And I quote, "Jess has no problem showing Tony her favorite Pussycat Dolls routine. ... She will dance in front of her camera until she makes her man happy. ... She thinks it keeps the romance alive while they are far away from each other." (I am really starting to dislike Tony Romo, btw.)

The Sixers' Jason Smith gets him some porn star love

Jason Smith now joins Clay Buchholz on my list of favorite athletes.

According to The 700 Level and the Daily News, Sixers' rookie Jason Smith is the man.

"Mary Carey says 76ers forward Jason Smith is a good kisser. According to Carey, Smith was the baller she "wrapped her legs around and made out with in front of clubgoers" Monday night at New York nightspot Butter, as the New York Post's Page Six reported yesterday. The Post did not identify which player she kissed, but said she hung out with a group of Sixers."



She denies it now though, blah, blah, blah... whatever. We know better. You go, Jason.

Andy Roddick has a tough life; engaged to a swimsuit model

Despite the fact that his fans hate her, tennis star Andy Roddick, 25, is now engaged to SI swimsuit model, Brooklyn Decker, 20. I guess they better get used to her now.



According to Andy's official Web site...

Andy proposed in early March. The couple wanted to tell their family and close friends first but good news travels fast. By the time Andy arrived in Miami for the Sony Ericsson Open, the tournament was bustling with the news.

The couple met in New York City last year and have been dating since. With their hectic travel schedules, Andy and Brooklyn plan to enjoy their engagement and will wait to set a wedding date.

"...plan to enjoy their engagement..." That's code for Andy might want to dip his wick in some new strange at some point and doesn't want to be locked in to one babe jusssst yet. I know how he feels. Why be pinned down to this prime 20-year old piece of ass when you have so many other opportunities? Me and Andy, we're like brothers when it comes to this kind of thing.

Hulk Hogan is dating his daughter's doppleganger

The Hulkster is starting to really freak me out now. First it was reported that he cheated on his fat pig of a wife with his daughter's best friend, and as if that wasn't icky enough, now he was spotted out on the town with a date that looks creepily like his daughter, Brooke. So much so that the paps were fooled too. Witness...

Be forewarned, Hulkster, stay away from my future wife the next time you tape one of those Gladiator shows or your pythons will be no match for my Smith & Wesson. No one messes with my Gina. Who's creepy now?!

Tomsele went shopping, is unsexy

Because I know you just HAVE to know everything that Athletic Fonzie and The Supermodel do, I shall share with you that the hunky Patriots QB did a little shopping with his GFF while on vacation in Europe this week. They were even seen snacking on gelato in Porto Fino, Italy! God, can you imagine having to write this drivel for a living? I mean, yes, I can imagine it... I am doing it for damn near free!

Think of being able to write shit like this everyday for a living, "Champion vacationers Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen enjoy a day of shopping in Porto Fino, Italy, yesterday." Plus you get to make up names like "glamazon galpal" for people like Gisele. Cool, huh?

Wow. Talk about your dream job.

By the way, something called The Boston Phoenix came out with its Unsexiest Men of the Year list and guess who was #1*? Our hero, Mr. Tom Brady. Guess the honeymoon with Boston is ovah.

That's okay, Tom. I still love you.

Oh and in case you missed it last week, the big news was that Tom took out the trash. I shit you not. (Click picture #2.)

*Okay, he was #100, but he was still on the list!

Herald

• Jessica’s mom: Simpson & Romo secretly married (SbB)
• Hideki Matsui marries a drawing, wins bet against Jeter. (FanIQ)

Uh oh... Woman confronts Reggie Bush about cheating on Kim K

Young, Black and Fabulous reports this morning that while attending last night's Hornets-Bulls game Reggie Bush's girlfriend Kim Kardashian was confronted by a woman claiming that she and Reggie also have something going. Oops.

While the couple sat courtside, a long black haired tanned woman (who actually happened to be seated right behind them the whole time) stormed up to the two and lit into Reggie’s ass about his new relationship with the "Tush". Of course, Reggie put on his *confused* face which apparently pissed the woman off even more. So she proceeded to yell at Kim, loudly so the entire crowd within earshot could hear everything, that she is still gettin’ it poppin’ with Reggie and has been for the last 2 years. And that she had just sexed it up with Reggie that Saturday.

Uh oh. Just as Kim feared. After the game, Reggie was seen doing some texting on his phone, sans Kim. We wonder if this little scene triggered a breakup or if this is just another scam on the media.

According to YBF, Reggie's running around with other women is not news in the New Orleans area. Don't hate the playa, hate the game, Kim.

Wait, what? Ryan Seacrest is dating a woman? A hot woman?

What the... Dude is not heterosexual? Since when? This has to be a ruse. No way he is dating one of the Olly Girls. He can't be dating Holly Huddleston. The Olly Girls like sports! They make football picks! Please tell me this is not true. I don't know what to believe anymore.



Ryan has managed to keep the relationship hush-hush since the couple started dating, but Holly has been seen recently backstage at Idol tapings, adding fuel to the rumor mill.

Of course, he kept it hush-hush... Simon is gonna be pissed when he finds out.



InTouch

Gag reflex, engage!

Athletic Fonzie and The Supermodel put on a nice show for those in attendance at the Ermenegildo Zegna Store Opening in New York City. Patriots fans, why is your quarterback at a fucking clothing store opening? Shouldn't he be studying tape or lifting weights or something? He better have been getting paid. Of course he was getting paid... to be at a store that sells Italian suits... with his supermodel girlfriend... man, my life sucks.



You know the more I look at Gisele, the more I think she used to be a man. That's right, I said it. Your QB is having sex with a transsexual. BRING IT ON!



H/T: Lossip via With Leather

Marko Jaric and Adriana Lima doing something

Marko Jaric is on my list. No man should be allowed to be paid for playing a sport, make ridiculous amounts of money, and date a Victoria's Secret supermodel who claims to still be a virgin. They especially shouldn't be allowed to be able to dress like a grunge skateboarder and still get all those perks. And if this sex tape really is Adriana Lima, I may have to just kill myself now (luckily, everyone seems to think it's not her.)



So now that makes it Leo DiCaprio, Vito Schnabel, Ben Affleck, and Marko Jaric all officially on my list. Fuck 'em all.



H/T: The Big Lead

Sean Avery has another famous girlfriend

After running through Elisha Cuthbert for a few months, New York Rangers hockey thug Sean Avery, 27, has moved on to another level of celebrity for his female companionship. Now he's hooked up with fashion designer Charlotte Ronson, 30. If you do a Google search on Miss Ronson you'll see that she sells her shit damn near everywhere so she must be flush with el dinero.



After Elisha Cuthbert, is this a step up for Sean? Or a step back? Fashion mogul versus Hollywood hottie... which would you prefer? Personally I think Charlotte is kinda fug, but I haven't seen her naked like Sean has (I assume) so who knows.



Daily News

A possible Brady-Gisele sex tape?

I don't think the world is ready, but if rumors are true, it could exist.

According to the always reliable Post --

PHILIPPE on East 60th Street has allegedly videotaped celebrity customers as they frolicked in what they thought was a private room. The restaurant's private wine cellar is outfitted with hidden security cameras. And employees at the Chinese eatery have screened the videos after the stars leave, says an insider. "They've watched tape of Diddy and Sienna Miller hanging out and Tom Brady and Gisele [Bundchen] hooking up. They get a kick out of it, they laugh and comment on people," said our source. "Only a small circle of staffers there [knows] what's going on." A rep for Philippe confirmed there are cameras in the private rooms, especially where expensive wine is stored, "for security purposes," but claimed that "all tapes are deleted. It is completely and utterly false that anyone has access to view the videos at Philippe, which are maintained off-site at our corporate headquarters," said flack Ronn Torossian. "The privacy of our clientele is our foremost concern. . . . Any statement saying to the contrary is utterly and completely false." Bundchen's rep had no comment and Brady's rep did not return an e-mail.

Even if such a tape did exist, the government would have to intervene. The ladies of the world would suffer a simultaneous orgasm then spontaneously combust if such a tape were to be viewed with their human eyes. It's best for everyone if this tape is destroyed.