Jessica Alba is huge; attends Baron Davis' b-day party

Baron Davis had a birthday party Saturday night. Jessica Alba attended with her (evil) baby daddy Cash Warren. Baron Davis is a lucky man. So is Cash. Cash is lucky that he lodged his seed in that beautiful woman and made her humongous so that no one else will want her. He is pure evil, that one.



Jessica looks like she's wearing curtains, which by the looks of her face may be the only thing left in the house that still fits her. Fuck you Cash Warren. Fuck you to hell for doing this. You're on my list, Cash.

Marko Jaric and Adriana Lima doing something

Marko Jaric is on my list. No man should be allowed to be paid for playing a sport, make ridiculous amounts of money, and date a Victoria's Secret supermodel who claims to still be a virgin. They especially shouldn't be allowed to be able to dress like a grunge skateboarder and still get all those perks. And if this sex tape really is Adriana Lima, I may have to just kill myself now (luckily, everyone seems to think it's not her.)



So now that makes it Leo DiCaprio, Vito Schnabel, Ben Affleck, and Marko Jaric all officially on my list. Fuck 'em all.



H/T: The Big Lead

The luckiest son-of-a-bitchin' 21-year-old evar

Some dude named Vito Schnabel, 21, is dating 44-year-old Elle "The Body" Macpherson. And I thought Ashton Kutcher had mad game for a young guy.

Vito is the son of Oscar-nominated Diving Bell and Butterfly director Julian Schnabel. Hollywood... pfft.

Note to self: Start calling myself "Vito".

Schnabel (the dad) told Usmagazine.com at Sunday's Oscars, "They’re hanging out. It’s not like he’s smuggling heroin across the border! It’s not a big deal."

In the Bizarro World it's not a big deal. Here on Planet Earth it's a huge fucking deal! I want this man for my dad.

When Macpherson was asked if she's dating Schnabel, she told Access Hollywood, "No, I am not. Sorry. I never talk about my personal life but in this particular case, because he is nearly underage, I have to deny it because there is nothing else to do except deny it."

That sounds like a cop out to me. He's doing her. DAMMIT!

Man, when I was 21 I had pics of Elle on my wall, then later spent serious quality time with her amazing Playboy issue, and this punk is dating her? That's it. He's on my list.

Here's Elle doing something, somewhere, with her nips showing through her top, just to show you how lucky this bastard really is.

Happy Friday: Jennifer Garner in a bikini

It's one thing to look good all dolled up in front of a camera with great lighting and Photoshop at your disposal, it's another to look good out on the beach with no artistic assistance. Jennifer Garner, in no surprise to us, manages to pull it off.

Now that I think about it, maybe Jen is my favorite MILF. I am going to have to do some more "thinking" on that, plus I think I need to add Ben Affleck to my list.

Fuck Leo DiCaprio, part two

I have a new goal in life: To ruin Leonardo DiCaprio's life. No one man should be able to bang both Gisele and Bar Refaeli in the same lifetime. I think he might be the devil himself. Where's Keanu Reeves when you need him?



Now I am hiding under my covers crying, if anyone needs me.



Fuck Leo DiCaprio, part one

SI

Fuck Leo DiCaprio

Who is more lucky? Leo or Tom Brady? Oops... wrong week to ask that question. Sorry. Anywho, here's lucky Leo sitting poolside with his (better looking) version of Gisele, model Bar Refaeli. I hate my life.



So, do you think that these photos will help Bar in our contest or hurt her? You know, because we all hate Leo DiCaprio now and want him and those around him to win NOTHING! Whoa...

UPDATE: I forgot that Leo once upon a time was dropping the hammer on Gisele. Sloppy seconds, Tom! I really hate my life now.



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