Now that's just not very nice, Miss Alba

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren deserve each other I think. I hate him and I am starting to hate her. Every time I see pictures of her she is mad about something or mad at someone or fat.



Fuck you too, Jessica. And you're got getting a One-Percenter label on anymore posts of mine until you start acting nicer (and have the kid and lose 60 pounds).

Oh, yeah, NOW we get to see Jessica Alba's tits

All these years of wanting to see Jessica Alba's sweet, sweet hooters and never getting the chance, and now we get a little peek? When she is ballooned up and with child? Oh, the irony...



I guess beggars can't be choosers, huh? Fuck you again, Cash.

FHM gives us a preview of their 100 Sexiest for 2008

Tomorrow FHM releases their annual 100 Sexiest Women in the World list. A list that we have derided (among others) and forced us to create our own little poll in order to get it right. They were kind enough to let us know who this year's top 10 includes in advance of tomorrow's big announcement, so let's see if their people did any better this year by comparing the FHM Top 10 to how our brilliant readers have voted thus far in our contest.



10. Keira Knightley - Buzzzz. Didn't make it out of Round Two.

9. Angelina Jolie - Fail. Lost in Round One.

8. Hilary Duff - Crickets. Not in our field of 64.

7. Cheryl Tweedy - Alive and kickin' in the Sweet 16.

6. Scarlett Johansson - Wrongo. Lost in Round Two.

5. Hayden Panettiere - Zzzzz. Not in our field of 64.

4. Elisha Cuthbert - Nope. Took the pipe in Round Two.

3. Keeley Hazell - Made our Sweet 16 so far.

2. Jessica Alba - Lost in the Second Round. Had a wicked opponent.



1. Megan Fox - Still alive and winning her match in the Sweet 16.

Those in our Sweet 16 not making their Top 10 include: Kate Beckinsale, Shakira, Susan Ward, Monica Bellucci, Stacy Keibler, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Charisma Carpenter, Adriana Lima, Heidi Klum, Bar Refaeli, Petra Nemcova, Marisa Miller, and Sandra Nilsson.

So yeah, you can see why we're having our own poll.

Jessica Alba is trying to make up for being a whale

What's the one thing that a gigantic pregnant woman who men used to drool at the mere site of can do to make you want her again? How about this?



Oh yeah... fuck you, Cash.

Who really is the sexiest female on the planet? (R2)

You know the drill by now. Others have tried with poor levels of success to determine who the sexiest woman in the world is...

Maxim: Lindsay Lohan WRONG!
AskMen: Beyonce Knowles Eh.
FHM USA: Jessica Alba Maybe.
FHM Britain: Heather Mills Uh, What?
Hello: Britney Spears Now they're just messing with us.

We can do better.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Round one is in the books as Torrie Wilson vanquished Miranda Kerr and Sofia Vergara took out Reese Witherspoon in our final two matches of the opening round. Round two is gonna be much tougher and we'll get the party started with three matches: Adriana Lima vs. Eva Mendes, Megan Fox vs. Jessica Alba, and Keira Knightley vs. Kate Beckinsale. Who ya got, folks!!

Adriana Lima | Eva Mendes ... click their name for another look

POLL CLOSED
Adriana Lima 58.5% - Eva Mendes 41.5%
CLICK HERE TO VIEW AND VOTE ON THE NEXT MATCH-UP

Megan Fox | Jessica Alba ... click their name for another look

POLL CLOSED
Megan Fox 53.0% - Jessica Alba 47.0%
CLICK HERE TO VIEW AND VOTE ON THE NEXT MATCH-UP

Keira Knightley | Kate Beckinsale ... click their name for another look

POLL CLOSED
Kate Beckinsale 76.8% - Keira Knightley 23.2%
CLICK HERE TO VIEW AND VOTE ON THE NEXT MATCH-UP


The rest of the best:
ROUND TWO
Stacy Keibler | Sofia Vergara
Petra Nemcova | Torrie Wilson
Sandra Nilsson | Penelope Cruz
Elisha Cuthbert | Monica Bellucci
Heidi Klum | Rachel McAdams
Ali Larter | Shakira
Charlize Theron | Bar Refaeli
Jessica Biel | Marisa Miller
Charisma Carpenter | Scarlett Johansson
Susan Ward | Jennifer Garner
Brooke Burke | Keeley Hazell
Emmanuelle Chriqui | Kelly Brook
Cheryl Tweedy | Leeann Tweeden

SEE ALL THE RESULTS OF ROUND ONE HERE. Those eliminated include: Miranda Kerr, Reese Witherspoon, Christina Aguilera, Ingrid Vandebosch, Jessica Simpson, Shania Twain, Gabrielle Union, Jaime Pressly, Natalie Portman, Rihanna, Elin Nordegren, Alyssa Milano, Maria Menounos, Eva Longoria, Lindsay Lohan, Joanna Krupa, Beyonce Knowles, Minka Kelly, Angelina Jolie, Katherine Heigl, Salma Hayek, Nelly Furtado, Willa Ford, Carmen Electra, Ciara, Amanda Bynes, Sophia Bush, Gisele Bundchen, Rachel Bilson, Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, and Alessandra Ambrosio.

Jessica Alba is huge; attends Baron Davis' b-day party

Baron Davis had a birthday party Saturday night. Jessica Alba attended with her (evil) baby daddy Cash Warren. Baron Davis is a lucky man. So is Cash. Cash is lucky that he lodged his seed in that beautiful woman and made her humongous so that no one else will want her. He is pure evil, that one.



Jessica looks like she's wearing curtains, which by the looks of her face may be the only thing left in the house that still fits her. Fuck you Cash Warren. Fuck you to hell for doing this. You're on my list, Cash.

Jessica Alba: Slut?

Gepetto again.

Yes, she's knocked up. Yes, she's hot. But a slut? That's a new one.

According to the NY Post, Jessica Alba developed "early" and was given the label of slut by her principal and other students' parents (an impressive resume)...

...in 6th grade.

"The accusation still ricochets . . . They think I'm a slut?," Alba recalls in "If I'd Known Then." Alba adds: "Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they're about 20 or 21 . . . It's fun to have a crush, but don't think it's forever . . . And use birth control and condoms, please."

This is one of those times where you curse the sky and say "Damn you Mom and Dad for sending me to a private school" or something to that extent.

In other news, life still not fair.

Hat-tip to NY Post.

A quick Jessica Alba baby boob check

We're trying to look at the bright side of maybe the hottest woman on the planet wrecking her body simply so she can procreate. She is so selfish it hurts.



Man, I wish I had died and come back as her unborn fetus. You know, because of breastfeeding and all...

Who really is the sexiest female on the planet?

There have been many attempts to determine who the sexiest woman in the world is at various times throughout history. Maxim tries it every year. FHM does too. AskMen.com does as well. The results of their polls are dubious at best. (see Lohan, Lindsay). Are you really going to sit there and tell me that Lindsay Lohan is the sexiest woman in the whole world, Maxim reader? C'mon. Beyonce? I guess... Jessica Alba? Getting warmer.

These attempts lead us to this post today. I think that YOU and I can do better. So, I am taking names off of those two lists, adding and subtracting where I see fit, and letting you decide who REALLY is the sexiest woman on the planet. I won't be seeding them because really what would be the point. They're all gorgeous. And the voting will take care of all of that anyway. What I will do is list them alphabetically, with a link to an attractive snapshot of them (you can always look for more of them on Google, of course), and begin matching them up and letting you vote until we have a title holder to carry the crown for all of 2008.

Oh yeah. I am also reserving the final three spots for the ladies who are suggested the most by you, the reader. So let me know who I am missing and who MUST be on this list.

Ready to get started? Alright, let's go.

Jessica Alba | Alessandra Ambrosio ... click their name for another look

POLL CLOSED
Jessica Alba 50.5% - Alessandra Ambrosio 49.5%

CLICK HERE TO VIEW AND VOTE ON THE NEXT MATCH-UP

The rest of the best:
Christina Aguilera | ______________Your Choice
Jennifer Aniston | Kate Beckinsale
Monica Bellucci | Halle Berry
Jessica Biel | Rachel Bilson
Kelly Brook | Gisele Bundchen
Brooke Burke | Sophia Bush
Amanda Bynes | Charisma Carpenter
Ciara | Penelope Cruz
Elisha Cuthbert | Carmen Electra
Willa Ford | Megan Fox
Nelly Furtado | Jennifer Garner
Salma Hayek | Keeley Hazell
Katherine Heigl | Scarlett Johansson
Angelina Jolie | Stacy Keibler
Minka Kelly | Heidi Klum
Keira Knightley | Beyonce Knowles
Joanna Krupa | Ali Larter
Adriana Lima | Lindsay Lohan
Eva Longoria | Rachel McAdams
Eva Mendes | Maria Menounos
Alyssa Milano | Marisa Miller
Petra Nemcova | Elin Nordegren
Sandra Nilsson | Jaime Pressly
Natalie Portman | Bar Refaeli
Rihanna | Shakira
Jessica Simpson | Charlize Theron
Shania Twain | Leeann Tweeden
Cheryl Tweedy | Gabrielle Union
Ingrid Vandebosch | Susan Ward
Torrie Wilson | ______________Your Choice
Reese Witherspoon | ______________Your Choice