Christina Aguilera got her drink on

Christina Aguilera must have finally realized that she is married to and gave birth to the child of an Ewok because she went out last week and got shitfaced drunk.



I wonder if they went home and had loud pool sex. Shudder...

Back in the day: Christina Aguilera

Remember back when Christina Aguilera was hot? I mean, she's still hot, but back when she was wayy hot. You know, before the Ewok planted his seed and all. She was suh-mokin. And not afraid to show a little nip action too.



And since I haven't seen a music video for like 10 years (and probably won't see another one for 10 more years), this to me will always be the sexiest music video I've seen.



Remember the album cover for Stripped? That was pretty sweet too.
MUST. WATCH.



Tell me if after watching that third video that you don't hate Jordan Bratman now.

Just like Cash Warren since, Jordan Bratman is one of the douches of our generation for taking perfection and soiling it with his mere presence. We need to collect these guys up who do this and put them in a rocket and shoot them into outer space. It's what's best for mankind.

H/T: Dickism for the first vid.

Christina Aguilera has loud pool sex

First off, before I get into this story, let me just say that I want to know what type of voodoo this Jordan Bratman is practicing that not only lands him Christina Aguilera, but also allows him to procreate with her and keep her around for pool sex. Dude is a fucking Ewok. Now, on with the story...

The new parents are so determined to keep their two-year marriage red-hot that they’ve taken to skinny-dipping by moonlight. The couple, who welcomed son Max into the family on Jan. 12, can be heard loudly frolicking in the pool of their $11.5 million Beverly Hills mansion around midnight.

"They don’t just splash around — they laugh, scream, swear and make sexy noises," says a source. "We’re happy that they’re happy, but we wish they’d keep it down a bit. There are a lot of old people who live around here, and they don’t like noise after the dinner hour."

Yeah, let that roll around in your head for a few seconds.

Oh yeah, this is the same house that was the home of Ozzy Osbourne during the MTV show, The Osbournes. Like you even care about that after what you just read.

Here are some random Xtina pics to make me you feel better.



Star

Who really is the sexiest female on the planet?

You know the drill by now. Others have tried with poor levels of success to determine who the sexiest woman in the world is...

Maxim: Lindsay Lohan WRONG!
AskMen: Beyonce Knowles Eh.
FHM USA: Jessica Alba Maybe.
FHM Britain: Heather Mills Uh, What?
Hello: Britney Spears Now they're just messing with us.

We can do better.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Three more down and three more move on. Charlize Theron, Leeann Tweeden and Cheryl Tweedy all moved on to round two, while Jessica Simpson, Shania Twain and Gabrielle Union head back home. Only four more matches to go in round one. Next up is new mom Christina Aguilera taking on a Reader's Choice in Emmanuelle Chriqui, while NASCAR WAG Ingrid Vandebosch takes on Susan Ward. Who you got, people?

Be sure to let us know who you want in the Final Two Readers' Choice spots! Last chance to have your voice heard!

Christina Aguilera | Emmanuelle Chriqui ... click their name for another look

POLL CLOSED
Emmanuelle Chriqui 62.4% - Christina Aguilera 37.6%
CLICK HERE TO VIEW AND VOTE ON THE NEXT MATCH-UP

Ingrid Vandebosch | Susan Ward ... click their name for another look

POLL CLOSED
Susan Ward 64.1% - Ingrid Vandebosch 35.9%
CLICK HERE TO VIEW AND VOTE ON THE NEXT MATCH-UP

The rest of the best:
Torrie Wilson | ______________Your Choice
Reese Witherspoon | ______________Your Choice
Jessica Simpson | Charlize Theron : Theron 57.3% - Simpson 42.7%
Shania Twain | Leeann Tweeden : Tweeden 61.1% - Twain 38.9%
Cheryl Tweedy | Gabrielle Union : Tweedy 60.7% - Union 39.3%
Sandra Nilsson | Jaime Pressly : Nilsson 55.3% - Pressly 44.7%
Natalie Portman | Bar Refaeli : Refaeli 67.3% - Portman 32.7%
Rihanna | Shakira : Shakira 67.4% - Rihanna 32.6%
Petra Nemcova | Elin Nordegren : Nemcova 77.1% - Nordegren 22.9%
Alyssa Milano | Marisa Miller : Miller 67.1% - Milano 32.9%
Eva Mendes | Maria Menounos : Mendes 50.3% - Menounos 49.7%
Eva Longoria | Rachel McAdams : McAdams 56.6% - Longoria 43.4%
Adriana Lima | Lindsay Lohan : Lima 86.5% - Lohan 16.5%
Joanna Krupa | Ali Larter : Larter 56.6% - Krupa 43.4%
Keira Knightley | Beyonce Knowles : Knightley 51.2% - Knowles 48.8%
Minka Kelly | Heidi Klum : Klum 67.5% - Kelly 32.5%
Angelina Jolie | Stacy Keibler : Keibler 51.5% - Jolie 48.5%
Katherine Heigl | Scarlett Johansson : Johansson 57.4% - Heigl 42.6%
Salma Hayek | Keeley Hazell : Hazell 58.9% - Hayek 41.1%
Nelly Furtado | Jennifer Garner : Garner 58.0% - Furtado 42.0%
Megan Fox | Willa Ford : Fox 81.0% - Ford 19.0%
Elisha Cuthbert | Carmen Electra : Cuthbert 55.9% - Electra 44.1%
Ciara | Penelope Cruz : Cruz 71.7% - Ciara 28.3%
Amanda Bynes | Charisma Carpenter : Carpenter 66.2% - Bynes 33.8%
Brooke Burke | Sophia Bush : Burke 62.6% - Bush 37.4%
Gisele Bundchen | Kelly Brook : Brook 59.2% - Bundchen 40.8%
Jessica Biel | Rachel Bilson : Biel 66.6% - Bilson 33.4%
Monica Bellucci | Halle Berry : Bellucci 69.1% - Berry 30.9%
Jennifer Aniston | Kate Beckinsale : Beckinsale 78.6% - Aniston 21.4%
Jessica Alba | Alessandra Ambrosio : Alba 50.5% - Ambrosio 49.5%

Christina Aguilera has some sweet post-pregnancy boobage

Our homegirl Christina was never hurting in the chestal area before her pregnancy, but now ... WHOA, girl is totin' the big guns. That baby might be breastfeeding til he's 20 with those bad boys staring him in the face every day. Voulez vous coucher avec moi.



Here she is at the Best Buy in L.A. signing her new concert DVD and in the process giving us all hope for a return to her pre-baby sexiness.